On Unsatisfying Relationships -- now what?

Have you ever found yourself questioning the value of a relationship, and frankly, unsatisfied? Most people haven't been able to avoid this part of human experience. Deciphering relationship is a constant in life. It's a skill we can grow. Below I will briefly mention some options to make sure you aren't down and out for long. 

​When reflecting on an unsatisfactory relationship and a sense of clarity comes that the relationship needs to end, or have some space, there will be a sense of joy and freedom in that discovery. It may be a bit painful, but clarity comes from a place of internal intelligence and a natural confidence to act usually emerges with it as well. Ultimately, moving forward would feel right and be doable. This is not what I intend to discuss here. 
 
Let's explore unsatisfying relationships, but in the context where internal reflection upon that relationship is NOT accompanied by clarity or joy/freedom. When this moment strikes in your life it can be helpful to know your options. 

​Sometimes reflecting upon unsatisfying relationships becomes a necessary painful act because the negative cycles may become too much and need to be faced. Contemplation usually begins to happen automatically when we are overwhelmed, but it usually isn't the most helpful kind of contemplation. You may be filled with intense negative internal dialogue that can become very strong and exhausting. The sense of freedom may not seem achievable, and solutions may seem like an impossibility. You may hear thoughts in your head like:​

• They never listen.
• I am so tired of this!
• I hate them.
• It's always going to be like this.

• How could they? 
• Do I love them?
• Should we be together?
• What is wrong with me?
• Why are they so mean?

The downward spiral is something like: initial trigger/conflict, blame, painful argument, isolation, deeper and unconscious blame, separation physically/emotionally, and ultimately a state of suffering -- of course variations occur. The overall dissatisfaction may expand itself in your life to other areas and can cause you so much turmoil. This kind of negative thinking may be the beginning to a whole new level of suffering. This is often how life long hurts take root and start to wreak havoc on the experiences we have moving forward. Your capacity to have other wonderful relationships would become hindered as well. The tendency would be history repeating itself with other people -- rinse and repeat in a new context!
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It is incredibly common for people who have been in any long-term romantic relationship to question the value of sustaining a relationship, but it's also very common in familial relationships and friendships. It's so important that we have the skills required to make good use of challenging moments like this. 

So let's pretend you are well bound up in the pain of a terrible relationship. Let's pretend that the dissatisfaction has just reached 'that point.' When things get to that point there is almost always some form of blame holding the other person in a negative light inside oneself. The problem with doing this is you will feel miserable within your own body, and there is not a way to carry negative thoughts and feelings about someone else that does not negatively impact your personal experience. So the end result of holding the other in a negative light is that you personally suffer. If you don't believe me, examine your life and consider a single person that you dislike strongly or blame for causing you pain. Inside your body you will feel disturbance and negative feelings. This impacts your nervous system, hormonal system, and overall physiology as well.

The truth is, if you were not in a position of blaming the other person you would be feeling just fine about them, and if you needed to make other choices you easily could. Don't take the fact that you/we blame people too personally. Take blaming at face value...it ruins your life.

Here is where an alternative to the blame option comes in:

As a capable individual you have the capacity to make a difference in yourself. You will never have the capacity to make others abide by your wishes, or follow all of your personal rules, and supply you for each and every personal need. If you still hope to create such a relationship you better look inward or to the one you worship because no other human being will ever meet your every need.

Feeling unsatisfied with another person happens sometimes, but blaming the other person for the negative experiences you have in the relationship only exposes where YOU have the opportunity to grow and love yourself. If this insight should really hit you, you should consider yourself a very fortunate person!!!

There are a million different choices you can make once you discover that the responsibility for your relationship experiences are in your hands. Fulfill yourself. Get self-directed, learn some new communication skills, practice old ones, and heck -- take on some coaching with me to come up with a game plan! Even the most difficult relationships can experience freedom and a sense of healing. It's really-really possible, and I can help you discover what those steps are. First, you must choose to make your own life important enough that you would want your relationships to improve. If you aren't able to make it happen on your own, or if you want to expedite the process I can help you.

If you have the desire to create a life full of amazing relationships then it definitely can happen, but it has to start with you. I'm not here to tell you what kind  of relationships you should have. I am here to help you create amazing relationships - whatever that means for you.  When you are living a life with incredible relationships you will feel deeply inspired in your life because your relationships will actually feed your well being. Humans need a sense of connection and healthy relationships to enjoy life as much as the body needs food and water to sustain itself. When you create joyful relationships you will soar. 

Remember, if you want amazing you have to be willing to be amazing. The good news is 'the amazing' DOES exist in you. It's my joy and passion to help bring that out in you. STOP. THE. WAIT.

Thank you for reading, and sharing your comments/experiences below. I'll always respond to your comments. You are also welcome to share this link.    ​